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Long have I looked upon those barren shores
To search for a glimmer of hope restored.
I tarry upon eaves of billowing sand
Trodding a path through this abomi'ble land.
I sense a warmth burning deep within
It carries me onwards, a promise therein.
May God plot a course that I may run
To find that lost treasure I would have won.

Here by the seashore in all its rocky darkness
A feeling of rage just freshly departed.
I ponder the wrongs that I may have done
And offer up repentance for that which I've done.
Maybe if I were to show more humility
I might see a way out of this calamity.
How I long for that rest of peace
To drive away this sickness, and leave me be.

Firm Foundations and the other stuff on top

Just when things look up, things goes down again. That's how it is when things get shaken, yes? I have being on a roller-coaster since the beginning of this year, and frankly, I am getting tired of the same old loops and bumps and freefallings that comes along the way.

No more, please. What can be shaken off should be off by now, right? And whatever that is left over... I don't really know if its good or not anymore.

God burns away the outer layers and reveals to me what I truly am within. And the revelation scares me.

Transformation comes from conviction. Conviction is from the inside out. I don't want to be a surface-changer anymore. I want hard substantial change. I want my life to be upside down, and for me to have a transformation from conviction. That is the true meaning of Romans 12. I guess once again I learnt it the hard way. Typical.

I hope one day I can say for sure, knowing that it is truly in my heart, that I love God, love family, love friends, love enemies, love ministry. I pray that this day will not be far away.

Backbone

Have I changed?
Is the Cross really as powerful as people make it out to be?
Who was I before I came to the Cross?
Who am I now?

All I can say is that maybe the Cross have given me a backbone.

But I still make for a lousy witness. If so, I may as well be back on that broad highway.

Hosanna

Today I realised something.

Within all is three things forever dwelling.
A desire to lead a meaningful life.
A wish to be surrounded by those we love.
A hope that one will not end up losing what we have.

Some would see old age as the anti-thesis to all of the above.
In fact, why else do we fawn so when it comes to aging?
We see age as the gradual painless (for the most part) poison that slowly robs us of these three things.
Our life becomes meaningless.
Those we love either die, or move away.
We lose the things that mean so much because we no longer are able to keep them.

I see this every week. I see these souls dwelling in the awkward 8' by 8' hospital beds, staring into space with not a thought in their minds, their hearts numb from the isolation, their bodies slowly passing away. I see hopelessness in their eyes. I hear voices breaking as if they haven't being used in years. I feel their passing of days, weeks, months without reprieve, until those figures no longer mean anything anymore. Their worlds slowly falling apart, bit by bit, right below their frail feet.

Then One amongst many stood tall. She was a little old lady of a rather bouncy sort. There is nothing in the world that can distinguish her from the rest. She too had ailments. She too has being slowly losing her world. But she worn a radiance upon her face that shone as clear as noonday, even when she battled with a chronic pain in her leg. She alone amongst many had a smile that still melts men's hearts. And upon her breast she worn the Cross.

What can I say?

Praise God.

Hosanna

Three Paragraphs Starting With S

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Well, maybe no one is reading anymore, so I am merely saying this to myself. I don't know. Its being quite a confusing ride over the course of the last couple of months. I once remarked to a group of people that it was akin to a ride through a rollercoaster complete with all its miraculous ups and demoralising downs. Left me with a profound sense of misguidedness. I don't really know what to think anymore.

Sucks when all the world seems to be steaming through and my own ship just lost its main mast with the impending storm coming. What seems to make matters worse is that the mast has being down for a long time and I just never bothered to repair it. C hit the nail right on the head when he wrote about being ready and preparing for the storm. I simply didn't. Another lesson learnt the hard way I suppose. A certain someone by the name of 'I' had me down on the spot: she described me as a person who only learns from mistakes. Harsh. Truth.

So what new heights of insights did I gleam from this three paragraphs of self-pity and self-criticism? Possible nothing of substance. Sometimes I ask myself am I depressed, and all I can think of is maybe. Why though? Why would I be depressed? I thought my troubles started with lack of God. But now I am not so sure. Maybe its more like I lack the faith the believe in Him fully. Believe that my future lies in His capable hands. Yes, maybe that's it. That's exactly what I said three weeks ago with the lack of God thing. But Yes, I think I hit it right this time.