Choices choices choices...

Sometimes, the number of choices is so many, I just don't know where to start deciding. I want a career. I want to study. I want to make lots of friends all over the places. I want to invest in particular friendships. I want to live for God. I want to make money. I want to move out. I want an apartment. I want to support my family. I want to be there for them. I want to leave everything behind and just wander. I want to backpack Europe. I want to traverse the Sahara. I want to design interiors. I want to write a comic. I want to sail the seven seas. I want to fight the good fight. I want... why is there so many wants, so many aspirations, so many things that I could have done yet didn't, so many choices...?

All this choice, yet so little time. I am tired.

Living can be so hard. Lately I see life as somewhat comparable to standing at multiple crossroads, with pathways leading off in all directions, yet never getting anywhere. We live in a world so full of choice that it sometimes seems like there is really no choice at all. What is the difference between choosing to go down the path of a psychologist or a lawyer? Is there any real meaning in deciding what mobile network I choose to go with? Is there a fundamental difference in the choice of friends with whom I hang out with? So I am left with nothing; all choices seems meaningless to me, just as Solomon had concluded in writing his book. So all that's left is God. God is the only one who has meaning, who can give me meaning. Yet why do I still feel this way, despite believing in Him? Why do I still feel so directionless, overwhelmed by the big bad world of non-choices?

The answer probably lies in how well do I know God. If I do not obey Him, I shall never intimately know Him. If I do not walk with Him as the Apostles did, and obey His commands, I shall never be a true friend of Him (John 15:14). And when I am counted as His friend, oh what a frightful delight that would be! For God lets those who He call friend in on His plans, and even involves them in His decision-making! Look at Abraham, look at Moses!

I strive for that. I want to know God; I need to know Him. I want to obey God; I need to obey Him. For without Him, all things are meaningless.