Born to make a choice

There are times when I still wonder about the meaning of being alive. Despite going through The Purpose Driven Life, and reading the Bible, and praying, and God knows how much more other things related to the meaning of life, sometimes I still cannot shake the feeling that I just don't know why I exist. Those are the times when I feel the most useless, or when I feel so depressed where everything that is happening to me seem insurmountable and horribly wrong. It is almost as if nothing in the world made sense, and I am reminded of the utter futility of existence in this universe.

Always, whenever such a time came upon me, I would remember what I have read in Ecclesiastes, that book of wisdom indeed! One line wrote:

"What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun? One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever." - ch.1 v3-4.

Nothing that I could ever do will be lasting, nothing will come of it that is noteworthy enough to last; when I feel so down, I don't feel like doing anything at all, not even eating, and that's saying a lot. A world that is harsh, that is nothing but suffering and sadness, so much shit that we are walking knee-deep in it. What is wrong with this place? Why must people do this sort of thing to each other? Sometimes its difficult to even breathe, knowing that all that will do is lengthen my stay here.

What is the meaning of chasing after an education? Why look for a job? All things are so meaningless that Solomon had it right when he described it as chasing after the wind: it is utterly pointless.

But just as Solomon finally woke up from his confusion in writing book, I also finally woke up. Indeed life can seem pointless and meaningless, but only after I made a choice to have it so. I realised that things only became pointless when I allowed them to. And the point is once again God. I don't think it can get any more cliche, but the answer always always lies with God.

Indeed, all things find meaning when dedicated to Him, and that is what I do; I do it for God. I breathe my next breath for Him, I eat because He has seen to putting food on earth for all to partake with thanks, I find a job so that God can work through me into the workplace, I study to honour God had blessed me with the privilege, I smile because I know that God is there in it, I speak with others because I know God speaks through me.

As long as God is in me, He will always be with me, and He never leaves. Thus I am assured that nothing I do, nothing that happens, no circumstance nor blessing, is ever without meaning, because I already have found the answer in Him who calls, Him who is the all-in-all, the Alpha and the Omega. In Him I am assured that I was born with good reason, that is to make a choice. Follow Christ and believe, or walk the meaningless pointless path. It may not seem much of a choice, but all we have to do is look around and see how many people seem unable to decide, or walk in the latter, a fact that both puzzles me and saddens. I guess they really are under the spirit of stupor with eyes that cannot see, ears that cannot hear, as it was written (Romans 11:8). All the more reason for those who are not blinded and deaf to step into the gap!