John 16:33

'These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.'

Living the Christian walk is not a bed of roses. Things will go wrong in the world, and Jesus told us that during His ministry time on earth. His was the Original Murphy's Law, Amen. But that isn't all folks and all is not lost; because Jesus Christ has given us the power to be victorious and joyous in the midst of tribulation. This is not just a cool one-liner that Christians will pull out of their bag of verses in times of trouble; it is the very foundational truth that we all know and cling to. If Christ did not overcome the world, then all our praises and worship is for nought: Paul told the Corinthians this very thing: "And if Christ is not risen, your faith is futile" (1Cor15:17). If Christ did not overcome the world, then also nothing has changed, and our faith would indeed be futile; but the truth is that He did overcome, as my life and many others also testify. Why think that He might have when He has already done so before my very eyes?

Praise Be to the Lord Almighty! He is El Shaddai indeed!!!

Drawing Near

Today is the day that our band of brothers will begin a journey together. Today is the day when we shall draw near to our Lord. No longer will we be waiting in the fastness of complacency, nor beseiged in ignorance. We shall draw near to the God-Who-Seeks; we shall do our part too.

'let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.' - Hebrews 10:22 (NIV)

Someone once told me...

j: i didn't know u like stars

me: oh i LOVE stars...
i used to try and find meaning in studying the universe. But like all intellectual pursuits,
meaning was just unattainable from understanding alone.
now i just love stars coz God made them.
hehehe

j: cool cool..
u know what i heard

me: wat

j: the sky is like a blanket God placed over the earth
and the stars are like the holes angels poked so they can watch over us
=)

me: hahaha nice...

SHOCK AND HORROR

I just had the shock of the century (well more like a shock of a fifth of the century)!!! It was horrible! No words can describe the feeling of utter remorse, total hopelessness, and raging anger all wrapped up in one and then imploding within the small enclosed space around my beating heart.......

I thought I've lost you...

Yes, indeed, I thought I lost my blog last night!!! You can "chey" all you like, but when your blog does not appear when you click go to www.blogger.com/home, you would feel like me as well! All those years of hard work (ok more like six months, but hey...), all those long nights slavering over the exact words and prose that I would lay down for the world to see, and to have it cruelly, suddenly, remorselessly, seemingly taken away is about the lowest blow I can handle... and I thought it was MY fault that it happened! I thought the great BLOGGER has gotten back at me for not updating regularly enough... as if to say "Hey J, you know that long neglected, dusty piece of cyberspace that you once upon a time visited in your own time when you feeling lonely...? Well seems like you don't need it anymore, so I, ah, took the liberty to start spring cleaning early. You wouldn't mind won't you?" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!

Shooting stars

Star bright star night
So far so bright,
One grain of sand
From start 'til end.
Distended extended
No pride intended,
Just humble old comet
Reaching out for the summit.

Month of June

It would seem as if I had a nice long break from blogging for the past month. Well, it wasn't, coz I was merely unable to log on. Blogger can be irritating at times (or it can be my internet connection, haiz). Then at other times, it would seem that the Beautiful Game had taken precedence... and eh dare I say rightly so! muhaha. Joga Bonito Brazil! (having ran away from my former position as an England supporter this year in utter disgust and horror over what Eriksen has (once-again) done to the most promising team England had produced in years!) So I guess its kinda fitting then that I update myself by saying what an incredible month this had been for me. To put it as any other way would be a total fabrication or conspiracy to mask the blessings I was gifted with. This month shall remain one of the longest months I have had in a very VERY long while. Surely I wont be able to note all the fundamental points that made this month great. So perhaps in point-form? Fitting as that would be given that June is the month of exams for most students, I shall refrain from this particular format and opt for a nice poem... wahaha.

Out of the ashes and into the storm
A Lone Phoenix arose, fiery wings drawn forth
To set alight to the darkness of a heathen world.

Neither has adversity hid its face
Nor the final embrace of Victory's bosom,
But alive is Hope, and God-willing brighter days to come.

Gone are the days of uncertainty,
Fled are the agents of deceit and lies,
The likes of which would leave
deprivation for darkness.

New alliances founded, old friends rekindled,
Reputation and fame
Infamity and shame,
The share of which have had.
Sheer heights of joy
And bitter pain of sorrow,
All had a place in this mystical time.

A time of rejuvenation,
A time for rebuilding,
A time to begin once again,
The phoenix arose out of dark waters,
Not just as it was in the movies. =P

Songs for the weary sang,
Music for the idle played,
Pined dreams fulfilled,
Good times rejoiced and shared.

Find rest in His lap did I
Focus came from many tries.
To walk as He have walked,
I shall take tomorrow as they come.

Ok that was atypically cryptic! I guess you can always just ask me how great June really was! wahaha. tata

Star-maker

I especially love nebulae; apparently it would seem that it is in these great masses of dust and gas where new stars are born everyday. Creation continues, even as other stars die off... all of it is simply awe-inspiring. To see the physical embodiment of a star-making machine can probably be described as close to seeing the hand of God Himself shaping His Creation. Truly Awesome.

Sick...

Coughing like mad lately.... for some reason always sick when its our team's turn to lead worship; any other time I don't have such nonsense to deal with. Hmph, I wonder.... =P

Have I told you lately...

Its being a while since my last picture post, so here it goes. I am not too sure about the name of this galaxy (probably not christened yet with a proper name other than a code). I love it anyways... Amazing stuff. =^)

Take some Joy for that headache...

Being lost in space is truly something to behold... I had the luxury of that experience over the past week i think. That is the only problem with being lost in space though; that is you never really know you are there until after you come back to the real world. I, grateful and humble in my previous privileged feeling of being out of the mundane and the tedious, have had my time basking in the indulgence of ignorance; now the stark yet benign reality of daily life pierces through my week-dream.

Despite it all seemingly being some ridiculous sense of estrangement from reality, a blissful whim of ignorance, I still revelled in it. The world seems so out-of-place, disjointed, artificial, that this dream-scape seems more real. It seems so hard to tell if what I saw, what I experienced in this episode, were flights of fantasy or a real improvement of well-being. Perhaps its a bit of both?

Truthfully, I shall never know, if that is the only thing that I do know.

Musings about a fruit tree

Outside my window there stands an fruit tree, now threadbare of leaves in the mid-autumn air. At times I would look up and out from my bed in the wee hours of mor'n and see bright light riding forth from the east, making long slender silhouettes that look like withered hands clawing desperately for the shroud of night to return. In the day it makes stark lines across the sky, slashing the stagnant blue into tiny fragments. Once a small bird rested upon one branch and chirped a tune in the afternoon breeze, a strange occurance indeed. I had looked at it from my desk, puzzled by the sound that usually comes in the morning. Then evening would come spilling on the wind, an ink-like stain that spreads from the west even as the light of day retreated, the slender fingers swaying in the wind. In the dead of night where sleeplessness reign, those dark lines would appear thicker yet softer in the starlight, and sometimes appear disjointed. It seems as if the branches are reaching into heaven itself, to wrestle starry gems from their resting places.

I could sit and look at this tree for hours, and it would never stop fascinating me. I wondered: this tree would have saw me when I was 13, newly arrived at a new house, unsure of the neighbourhood; it would have been amused at my effort in painting miniature models at 14; it would have watched me when I was 15, that day when I had stole away beneath it to examine my loot from a foray into the local shop; it would have laughed when I was 17 as I tried to clear possums from the gutter above my room; it would have... witnessed my first time in God's loving arms when I was 19 and alone in the dark room upon my bed; it would have observed my resolution at 20 to read the Word every night before I slept; it could be looking right now even as I am typing this at 21; indeed this tree has seen the shaping of me from boy to man (maybe). Scary thought, but yet somehow comforting and warm at the same time. This tree would know something about me, but to compare that with what God knows.... I guess if He has been here since Day One: how immeasurably more would He know about me?

Woah

The Secret Place

A place of serene quietness,
secluded yet connected,
Not reckless but abandon.
None but Jesus.

Through this cul de sac,
Girt between mountains,
Misty vapour enshrouded,
A river of life is He,
Awash my soul with peace.

Over hazy pools of crystal,
Beneath mighty willows
Swaying ever so softly in
Gentle breeze of mor'n.

The sounds of waters
Does so sooth my soul,
A quiet yet comely song,
Easing sorrows ill-got.

It is here I come
In times of trouble,
The secret place, abide
Under the shadow of
The Almighty.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.

He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,

Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.

Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.

In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

“Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.

He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

NKJV

Its nice to be indoors.....

Who can stand the freezing cold these days? I was just taking a quiet stroll around the HOUSE and I couldn't think of anything else other than the COLD. Maybe its just got to do with the remoteness of my place, or the fact that my ceiling reaches about 4-5 meters high at places in my house... but still...

Yup these days I am just glad that I can stay indoors.

Back from the Dead (Online at least...)

Yup i am back from being lostinspace somewhere in the vast but not infinite reaches of my mind. Only God holds the record for having an infinite mind i think.... yes, anyways, just to pop a message here to let my readers (if indeed there are any =P) know that i am indeed still alive and havent being wrestled away to be with my maker. Ahem. Though that would be GOOD, for me and maybe for some others (!!!), i do intend to stay, for the time being anyways. This is coz i know there is some things that i need to do, and i have not made it through my entire journey yet.

Yes indeed i am on a journey. I am sure alot of you are also going through a journey of your own. Each of us walks a path, headed for some unseen destination, some of us hopeful, some of us wearied, some of us joyful, some of us want to die.

I see it as a great big desert, full of sand rippled by the fierce and roaring winds, sprawled out across the face of the earth beneath the faint lights of the stars. Apart from the shifting sands, nothing happens here that is new; it is a stagnant place, devoid of change, as it was when time began. Not even the light of the stars reach this place: darkness reigns supreme, thick and choking, as if like a dark cloak drawn over the whole landscape. Even as our minds' eyes fly across this vast expanse of emptyness, loneliness and helplessness consumes our souls. To traverse its barren, desolate face is akin to walking over an emotional, mental and physical drain.

Yet there exists amid this blank landscape one small place reserved as though separated. There at the edges of this place the desert sands hold no dominion, giving way to long swaying grass and Trees growing as high as the tall towers of Babylon. Here the quiet, gentle waters of a vast Oasis sustains life; there is seldom a day that goes by here that is exactly the same as the preceding day. A Great King reigns over this paradise, and all within revere him.

Selah

Call it Eden, Canaan, the Promised Land, whatever you would like, but it does not change the fact that it is indeed the one and only place that anyone would want to be in. Mankind like dust motes arise in the sands, born into the still darkness of this vast desert, each blind like the other, at first tripping over each other, but after a while tripping over only on sand, as each wanders apart from the other, unable to see. Each has something within their hearts that tells them of better things, of the Oasis, and the Trees, but each remain unable to see. Each of them wanders and cry out, in self-pity, in anguish, in anger, but nothing they do can make them see, for the darkness is thick and there is no light. Some grow used to this desolation, while some remain in auguish.

Then came one who was sent by the Great King, to gather up these wretched people of the sands. And he holds a torch and upon a stallion of no small stature rode out at great speed even as the darkness grow ever more thicker, so thick as to make the light from the torch seem small and powerless from the distance. Yet as the King's messenger draw near, each person can see ever more clearly, and behold the glorious light that the torch indeed shines forth. He leads them back to whence he came, one by one.

Each of our journeys is like that i am sure. Once we were lost, but now we are found. Where once was only darkness, now there is a light that none of us can ever fathom and can ever live without. Praise the Lord. Even those of us born into Christian homes must confess that at times their lives can seem like this barren desert that has no name. No one is at the Oasis yet, no one has made it there yet. But indeed, we are all on a journey; we are being led there even now, even as we trip upon sand, or trip upon each other. And in this desert, nothing exists that can stop us from getting there except for ourselves.

Laughing at the absurdity of my predicament

There is absolutely nothing that can ever hope to replace God in the life of a true Christian. One of the things I have always tried to do is be a true Christian and not make a bad name for God’s people. However, there are many things for which I am not proud of, things that I had done and continue to do, thoughts that should not be entertained been entertained, fantasies that should never be allowed to fester festered. And yet I wonder why God is not more powerful in my life! Absurd! Folly!

Not that God is not already powerful in my life; He is my ultimate source of strength, and He has done many great things. Like the old hymn sang: count your many blessings one by one, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord hath done! He has indeed blessed me, and watched over me in all things that I do and do not do. No its not that God is powerless in my life; but rather He is restricted in my life. So long as I continue to live in sin and fail to turn my face fully to Jesus, to behold Him in all His majesty and to allow Him to be the only Lord of my life, then God shall never be who He truly can be.

Recently I have come once again to this realisation: that let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God (1Cor 7:24). Wherever I am, whatever thing I am doing, abide in Him! Be married to God, and then God can come through in all things. Once my concentration is upon God, and once I have divorced myself from all other things, be it the rejoicing of the world, or the sadness of world, be it my education or my future aspirations; once I empty my mind to allow God to enter in, then all the limits of my life would truly be under the control and mastery of God. What, I hear you say, did I hear right? Did you just say you traded freedom of choice for being under the control of God? Yes, for that is the meaning of surrender. And who else would I trust my life upon? Who better than God? But what about choice? What about what YOU want? What about it? What choice have I made that ever was a wise one? I know my own heart, as I am sure you do too, that I have made no decision that has ever been beneficial to myself in the long run. Sure I got the high for the moment, sure I had money, and sure I had independence and freedom. But all of it is restricted by my own flesh; my own mortality and my own physical, mental, and emotional limits prevents me from attaining contentment, let alone happiness. I had relied on myself for fulfilment and have failed miserably countless times. I’d rather place my trust in the one who created all things; He at least knows what He is doing. Yes I shall surrender my all to God, for He is not limited as I, He has plans to prosper, never to harm. Let Him do with me as He wishes. (a much harder thing to do of course, but at least I am willing to try…)

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live

All to Jesus I surrender
Humbly at His feet I bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me, Jesus, take me now

I surrender all
I surrender all…

One moment a thousand moments

Each step grew heavier, weariness took me, and for a moment I did not know where I was.

Looking back, I saw the distinct moment of the first lecture: the flurry of quick steps, the deafening roar of the amphitheatre filled with eager young faces, the books shuffling in my pack, the air smelling stale full of old seats. I saw myself looking out the Bailieu Library window watching the rain make patterns on the clear glass; a sliver of the cold somehow managed to creep back and touch me even under all those robes. I saw the clock in Union House that never works and could not help but chuckle. I saw the desk back in Giblin, and the dead air within that seemed to encase my senses. I saw the worship at Easter camp '04, when all in the world seem to be in exactly the right place at the right time. I saw... wires, amps, and mikes... I saw the gust of wind that nearly knocked me over but for the people standing by me, the Holy Spirit so strong. I saw in one moment a thousand moments, and my knees felt weak: has it really been three years only?

The Dean's voice echoed yet again, and the rapturous applause that followed seems to suddenly die almost as soon as it starts. Its din seems to fill the space and echo about. A mass of black cloth approached another mass of black cloth trimmed with gold rims and a square hat. Overhead the man loomed upon the wall, reaching through sculpted clouds for sculpted elightenment. I smiled at it, thinking of its symbolic absurdity. Then my name echoed in the air.

Born to make a choice

There are times when I still wonder about the meaning of being alive. Despite going through The Purpose Driven Life, and reading the Bible, and praying, and God knows how much more other things related to the meaning of life, sometimes I still cannot shake the feeling that I just don't know why I exist. Those are the times when I feel the most useless, or when I feel so depressed where everything that is happening to me seem insurmountable and horribly wrong. It is almost as if nothing in the world made sense, and I am reminded of the utter futility of existence in this universe.

Always, whenever such a time came upon me, I would remember what I have read in Ecclesiastes, that book of wisdom indeed! One line wrote:

"What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun? One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever." - ch.1 v3-4.

Nothing that I could ever do will be lasting, nothing will come of it that is noteworthy enough to last; when I feel so down, I don't feel like doing anything at all, not even eating, and that's saying a lot. A world that is harsh, that is nothing but suffering and sadness, so much shit that we are walking knee-deep in it. What is wrong with this place? Why must people do this sort of thing to each other? Sometimes its difficult to even breathe, knowing that all that will do is lengthen my stay here.

What is the meaning of chasing after an education? Why look for a job? All things are so meaningless that Solomon had it right when he described it as chasing after the wind: it is utterly pointless.

But just as Solomon finally woke up from his confusion in writing book, I also finally woke up. Indeed life can seem pointless and meaningless, but only after I made a choice to have it so. I realised that things only became pointless when I allowed them to. And the point is once again God. I don't think it can get any more cliche, but the answer always always lies with God.

Indeed, all things find meaning when dedicated to Him, and that is what I do; I do it for God. I breathe my next breath for Him, I eat because He has seen to putting food on earth for all to partake with thanks, I find a job so that God can work through me into the workplace, I study to honour God had blessed me with the privilege, I smile because I know that God is there in it, I speak with others because I know God speaks through me.

As long as God is in me, He will always be with me, and He never leaves. Thus I am assured that nothing I do, nothing that happens, no circumstance nor blessing, is ever without meaning, because I already have found the answer in Him who calls, Him who is the all-in-all, the Alpha and the Omega. In Him I am assured that I was born with good reason, that is to make a choice. Follow Christ and believe, or walk the meaningless pointless path. It may not seem much of a choice, but all we have to do is look around and see how many people seem unable to decide, or walk in the latter, a fact that both puzzles me and saddens. I guess they really are under the spirit of stupor with eyes that cannot see, ears that cannot hear, as it was written (Romans 11:8). All the more reason for those who are not blinded and deaf to step into the gap!

To all those who supported me...

~ Thanks guys and gals for your support and prayers! ~

The Fortunate Fool

"Let no man decieve himself. If any man among you seemth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness.

And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.

Therefor let no man glory in men."

1Cor 3:18-21 (KJV)

Thank God that He would rather me be a fool for God than wise!! I am a fool, the archetype of a imprudent man, reckless. My existence upon the world is marked time and time again by great acts of thoughtlessness. Take my word for it; if you had known me in my youth, when I was but a pup before Jesus found me, you would most certainly agree. Indeed, I am still a fool; many things I do though with good intentions, never seem to be done with any degree of wisdom.

Take for example a thing I did a long time ago: it was a moment in the dark, turbulent history from whence my person had been shaped, a night to remember even if I never wanted to. During the summer of my Eleventh year, when school was about to end, there is what's known as a traditional Muck-Up Day, usually played out to its frightfully chaotic conclusion by Twelth year students making the best of their last days of secondary education. I on the other hand, was just a junior compared with them, but most of my friends back then had been in Year 12. So there I was following them through in their plan to raid a sister school. The plan had been laid down two months beforehand, and all eight of us had a part in it.

Just a brief reprieve from the main narrative, a little background about my school and the types that I had generally gravitated towards. It is a local boy's college, Catholic, and generally very larrikin Austra'ian character. Although not a school famous for young punks and delinquents, there are still a very prevalent sub-culture of gangs and drug-users. My year level was by far the 'cleanest', but the year above mine was by far one of the worst (strange dynamic by any measure). In my final three years at this school, I had became embroiled in this sub-culture, and naturally gravitated towards these older guys who seem to share my mood and temperament. My school has an all-girls sister school also in the suburbs not far away (by the standards of suburban living: about 10 minutes drive away from my school).

Now the plan is in motion, and the long awaited day has come. Two car load of us went to the appointed place with the equipment. These included a crowbar (of sorts), meshwire cutter, and a bag of bricks. It was about mid-evening, about 8 or 9, and the road around the school was empty and quiet. I remember hearing a dog barking somewhere in the background, almost as if warning me not to go ahead. The air stung my eyes and nose from the sheer dryness and the days heat was rising from the asphalt pavement. All of us was still wearing our school uniform as we had not gone home - it was muck-up day.

We moved in two groups, the first carrying the stuff to break into the school grounds itself, and the second carried the bricks. What we were intending to do was not attempted before, nor ever had been attempted again (I don't mean to sound like we were so COOL in doing this, but that was the initial reason why we did it). I moved with the first group, and we cut through the meshwire fence with ease. We made a hole big enough for all of us to crawl through, and helped pull the bag of bricks in as well. Once again we set off for our objective; one of the larger computer labs at this school.

By now the last rays of sunlight were disappearing over the horizon, and the shadows grew long and thick. But we were all elated from the adreneline, and were shaking from the thrill of the 'mission'. We all felt like commandoes doing some covert op in foreign territory. We made our way through the school grounds quickly and quietly, without making too much noise, though we were excitedly whispering to each other and goading each other on. By the time we reached the computer lab, we were all so high on the adreneline, the pot that we were smoking, and the beer we were guzzling down, we all broke in the windows with our bricks instead of using the crowbar to force the door in. Instead of taking a few computers and replacing them with a brick as a joke (most things done during muck-up day were done in the name of a joke - though not always funny for everyone), we ended up trashing ALL the computers with the bricks. The extent of damage was later estimated to be in the tens of thousands of dollars.

We were there for an unknown amount of time, none of us could remember; all I can remember, is that one of us heard the siren of a police car from afar off, and shouting from outside the lab. We broke into a run, abandoning everything, and made for our cars. I saw no one, no security guard, no police, until we reached the hole in the fence where we broke in. I fled on foot, not wanting to get into the car, but some of my friends went in and were stopped by the police car not far down the road. One friend fled with me, his name shall be Mike just for the sake of privacy, and we ran as far as we could, before jumping into someone's yard and hiding amongst the bushes. We saw the police car go by once, and its only until it was close to midnight were we confident enough to venture back out onto the street. We found our way to another friend's house (one who did not participate) and bunked there for the night.

Mike and I did not find out that our friends had all been arrested and given a very harsh warning before being released until the next day at school. To this day, no authorities found out about me and Mike's role in all of this, and apparently my friends did not say our names either. Indeed, at the time we counted ourselves lucky, and thanked the friends for not dobbing us in, to which one of them said "What are you talking about, they never asked!". I know not how this should be so, but now I look back, all I could say is that there was a moment when God really did something for me, though I did not acknowledge Him, let alone gave Him gratitude.

So indeed, I was a fool. And still I am a fool, with one added difference: I am a fool for God, and as Adrian shared during Easter camp, let me be a fool for God all the days of my life.