Its a sign when all I can blog is...

Can't focus. Can't focus. Can't focus.

Mind wander. Mind wander. Mind wander.

Sian.

I A Procrastinator

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

A Nano later...

So now I am a proud owner of my very own iPod nano. What now?

Plug it into my brand new car stereo of course!

Bit by bit I will connect everything and soon my boombox will be blaring as I boom along the highways!

I'd say more...

I'd say more, but I'd only be saying nothing.
I'd show more, but I'd only be showing a lie.
I'd do more, but I'd only be doing less.
Nothing I say or do or show off
Could ever compare to Your Grace.

Blogger in a Warehouse

And what do you know? Here I am spamming blog posts after a long period of inactivity. The cycle of my blogging life. I missed blogging, even if it had only being a couple of weeks; it seems I am getting that itch again and want to scratch it as often as possible. So here I am, tapping away happily while work has nothing to do for now. Until probably in only another ten minutes anyways; I am waiting for the Post Office truck to arrive so I can start loading it with cages of cardboard boxes filled with various goodies ready to be dispersed to the suspecting Australian public.

I know. Dry as hell. Dry. Very dry indeed. Totally boring. I am such a loner in the warehouse. Everyone gone and here I am blogging. My forklift sits beside me like a loyal hound. The cages rattle outside in the breeze. The radio blasting "The lips of an angel". The musky dry smell of dust fills my nostrils and makes me lick my dried up lips. Somehow all this sitting around doing nothing is draining and I find my butt a bit sore and my back a little stiff. A flourish of typing and looking around and now Gwen Stefani chimes a tune "well I could be sweet...". Thus rolls the life of a blogger in a warehouse.

Emo Songs

OH MAN. just as I posted that last post, up comes an emo song on the radio! Its super nice....

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

The Fray. "How to save a life"

I also just realised that I haven't blogged in a long while. Well, if anyone reads they would know also right. I don't know, everytime I don't blog is usually because I am feeling down and out of it, or I am feeling antisocial. I guess that's it.

Good Report: For a change

I love it when I can speak a good report. I don't know when was it last that I can say with a mighty degree of certainty that something good has occurred. Maybe I am just being very melodramatic once again. Should really stop listening to emo music for a while; lay off that emo stuff and embrace some 'life' music as if my life depended on it and I need to hold on harder than ever for a change.

Good report: oh yes, that's right, Worship Day was a blast. Thank you God for your graciousness, thank you God for leading each of us. I am so excited.

Acts 20:24: "None of these things move me, nor do I count my life dear to myself"

It is easier to serve or work for God without a vision and without a call, because then you are not bothered by what He requires. Common sense, covered with a layer of Christian emotion, becomes your guide. You may be more prosperous and successful from the world’s perspective, and will have more leisure time, if you never acknowledge the call of God. But once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God asks of you will always be there to prod you on to do His will. You will no longer be able to work for Him on the basis of common sense.

What do I count in my life as "dear to myself"? If I have not been seized by Jesus Christ and have not surrendered myself to Him, I will consider the time I decide to give God and my own ideas of service as dear. I will also consider my own life as "dear to myself." But Paul said he considered his life dear so that he might fulfill the ministry he had received, and he refused to use his energy on anything else. This verse shows an almost noble annoyance by Paul at being asked to consider himself. He was absolutely indifferent to any consideration other than that of fulfilling the ministry he had received. Our ordinary and reasonable service to God may actually compete against our total surrender to Him. Our reasonable work is based on the following argument which we say to ourselves, "Remember how useful you are here, and think how much value you would be in that particular type of work." That attitude chooses our own judgment, instead of Jesus Christ, to be our guide as to where we should go and where we could be used the most. Never consider whether or not you are of use— but always consider that "you are not your own" ( 1 Corinthians 6:19 ). You are His.

- My Utmost for His Highest: March 4th, 2007

Wonderful

hey, aint life wonderful? wonderful, wonderful, wonderful... isnt it wonderful
Now?

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope its over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when youre little
And the worlds so big
I just dont understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that its all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends wont know
When the bell rings I just dont wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I dont believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when youre little
And the world is so big
I just dont understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I dont wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I dont wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I dont wanna meet your friends
And I dont wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now...

I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now...

Are we all living a lie? Is this really all there is to life? To freedom?

Perhaps a Bit more Bitter than Sweet

The failings of the past did not matter. The uncertain future did not matter. As the doors slid shut, nothing mattered. All that mattered was beyond that which could be seen now. In that instant, I knew that one thing has ended, but yet another is spread out before me ready to begin. It is indeed something different, something that could be difficult, but ultimately, I am sure and assured that nothing can be more worth it.

To you: goodbyes are bittersweet, perhaps a bit more bitter than sweet, but I shall also say that
goodbyes are not forever.

None But Jesus

In the quiet
In the stillness I know
That you are God
In the secret
Of Your presence i know
There I am restored.

When You call i won't refuse
Each new day again I chose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos
In confusion I know
Your sovereign still
In the moment
Of my weakness You give
Your grace to do Your will

When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I chose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forevermore

What is one second to you?

Inspiration came at the flourish of the second hand, and in that instant I had an answer. One second was all it seemed to have took, but I knew better; it had to take a lot more than mere reaction and spur-of-the-moment thought. They say that insight is the result of first taking in a question, a brief moment of conscious thought, followed by an extended period of subconscious incubation, leading finally to the moment where the insight or inspiration suddenly emerges back into conscious thought. But yet, somehow, that doesn't seem to be how it had happened either.

All it took was one second: one moment where the world no longer seem to matter. A slightest instance when the Truth confronts me and I was blown away. Microsecond? Nanosecond? It was like a crack on the timeline; a seemingly random occurance that suddenly splits the present from the past. When my mind had finally registered exactly what changes had occurred as a result of that moment, it had been well past five or six months; the reality of being a Christian hits home, even though changes had been occurring throughout that inteval time. No longer was my mouth full of curses and foulness, no longer was my vision of the future covered and blurred, no longer did life seem as empty as a milk carton on a saturaday morning, the dreariness had gone away.

One second that changes life as I knew it. Yes, I am sure that was all the time that it took.

Meant to Live

I feel like screaming. The weight presses down. The air itself is suffocating. There is no place to go, no room to move. There is only the illusion of eternity, and the stifling heat of dread, forever locked in some prison of fear and uncertainty. No... I was meant to live for so much more...

Love beyond reason

Something about revival, and the continual, unfailing, undying love of God fills me with the most utmost disgust of myself; me, this wretched creature prone to bouts of sinfulness and rebellion, yet at the same time full of awe and love for this most wonderful and marvelous of saviours: the Saviour, Lord of lords, King of kings. I don't know how to put it exactly, but I do think that sometimes, I abuse the grace freely given to me, if ever there was a way fo abusing something that is supposed to be unlimited, covering everything. Sometimes, the thought of God withdrawing forever such a gift fills me with dread, and gives me cold sweat in the middle of the night, when my rebelling mind would come to rest and contemplate on the day's actions; evaluating oh ever so much more evaluation. I would come to the conclusion that God has limited patience, that He will eventually get so tired of rescuing me from myself that He would just give up and leave me to Satan.

But yet somehow, I also know that my God does not lose to the Devil. He does not 'give up' on anybody because to do so would mean He admits defeat at the hands of His own creation. No my God is all-powerful, and none who contends with Him shall succeed. No defeat in this case only occurs because I myself have given up; I myself have let myself down, not God. No matter how deep a downward spiral I go down, somehow this truth still stays afloat for me to see, and be reminded of the absolute love beyond all reason, the love that is all that I need. That love which caused the father to wait on the lost son day and night, without rest, without ever giving up hope of one day seeing him again. Each time this truth would light up even as I step into the most dire and most lowest and darkest part of my own private hell in my head; even when I am in Sheol, God's love penetrates, and lifts me up out of that darkness and into the light, just as Jonah was vomited out of the big fish.

Why would God do that? I have no clue...
I have indeed:
"Found love, beyond all reason..."

Shrooomm...................

coz i'm leaving...on a jet plane...
but iknow that I will be back SOON...

Leaving Hong Kong soon, but I know I will be back soon. Well, if things goes well, and I manage to go to W's wedding that is. but I even if I don't, I know I will probably be back by the end of the year. haiz, my cousins would be another year older, but other than that, nothing much would change here. Just the same old memories; long ago ones, the blurry vividness type.

Will miss it once again...

A Challenge

To Set the captives free
To Break Bondages
To Find those who are Lost
To Bring Light to the Dark
To Herald the coming of our Lord
To Bring nations to Christ
To LOVE

Amen

Cancer of the Mind

Ideas sometimes just appear from seemingly no source. Ideas for all forms of craziness, all forms of nastiness, all forms of sweetness, all forms of charity. But where did they all come from? Just as soon as I turn and address them they would flee and be gone; none seems capable of tarrying longer than it takes for me to I tie them down.

To me it seems as if they were cancers, great menacing tumors that sprout out from nothing. Maybe thats what ideas are, tumors of the mind. There are those who lived in history who had diseases of the mind, yet their brilliance is unmatched in their generation. Great minds like Stephen Hawking, and Albert Einstein. Not to say that one needs brain tumours or MND to be brilliant, but one cannot deny that there is always something a bit abnormal in the minds of those who bring something unseen before to the world.

Maybe to change the world requires something abnormal, something ab-human...

Go for God

Yesterday I visited an English speaking congregation reaching out to all English speakers in HKSAR. The name of this church is called The Vine Christian Fellowship. Its congregation consists mostly of English speaking Chinese, some born locally, while others born overseas. There are some Africans, Americans, British ex-pats, and other foreigners who call HKSAR home.

The church is led by two senior pastors and their wives: Tony and Drusilla Read, and John and Sandra Snelgrove. They have been in Hong Kong since the 80s. I've met John and Sandra during Hillsong conferrence last year, and though yesterday I didn't get a chance to say hi, I saw their congregation.

I visited their 6pm service. Asking around, I found out that this church has probably been around for 6-7 years now, and now has about 700 people. They have three services on Sunday, a vibrate youth group for teenagers, and an amazing young adult group known as One-Eighty. I visited One-Eighty on saturday, but didn't have the time to stay for long, but what I saw was a group of passionate post-teen young people who are absolutely for Jesus, and loves each other as well as visitors like me. I spoke with four people in their reception area which they call 'the lounge', where it is a culture for people to 'hang out' immediately after the service. Most of the worship team members also attend One-Eighty, and this church has just recently released a live recording of their own songs!

They had being doing Reinhard Bonnke's "Full Flame" series of sermons, and had being doing so since the beginning of this year. This year is the year where they as a congregation are going to "go for God". Though I only caught a glimpse of what that means, I do get the feeling that this church is going to step up its effort in leading people to Christ. Apart from the push in evangelism, it is also going to step up in its effort to make firm disciples of Christ. They have printed personal journals for everyone in the church, as part of going through the entire Bible together this coming year.

Leaving the church, I got a distinct feeling that this is sort of what OCF should be like. Indeed, as I explained it to my aunty, this church is like an enlarged version of what OCF can become. Let me be as bold to say that this is what OCF will be, if only God is allowed to work through the lives of faithful people willing to just "go for God". This church, like OCF, can be said to 'cater' for a niche group in a strictly economic sense. Just as English speakers in Hong Kong are a small part of the whole population, so too is OCF whose mission is to reach the University campus' through out Australia, with an emphasis on overseas students. Just as this church is pre-dominantly young people who are passionate for God, so too is OCF. But I believe that OCFers in general needs to be even more passionate than we already are, and take up our Cross like our Lord. Each of us needs to rise up to a newer level.

Why not make this year the year to 'go for God'?

Pom is for peace of mind

Take a pill for the pain
Drink some tea for my thoughts
Eat some chilli for the callousness
Grab a sandwich for my sensations
Buy a gold chain for the gregarious cantaloop
I want a Jap for my jarringly apprehensive psychosis
And a Pom for peace of mind.

Logic and Faith

Thinking that logic alone can lead someone to faith is like thinking logic can convince someone that something is beautiful. Imagine driving through Navajo country in the southwest United States with a friend who considers the exquisite landscape just a barren wasteland. Would logic convince him that the landscape is beautiful? For every reason you give to demonstrate its beauty, your friend will counter with a reason for thinking it ugly. You perceive beauty; he doesn't. Mere logic isn't going to change his mind.

Some of the most important things in life transcend logic. No one can devise a logical proof for faith, beauty, or love. If we attempt a "proof" for them, we will be farther from understanding them than when we started. Such things are perceived by more than just our minds. They are perceived by something more profound than mere intellect.

The Bible refers to the center of the human personality as the "heart"¹ , and specifically designates it as the place of faith ( Mark 11:23 , Luke 24:25 ; John 14:1 ; Acts 8:37 ; Romans 10:9 ). This doesn't mean that faith is irrational. Faith can be philosophically and logically defended. But a logical defense of faith is as far from experiencing it as a verbal description of the flavor of strawberries is from their taste in the mouth. The heart includes the function of the mind, but transcends it. The inclination of peoples' hearts, not their intellectual powers, determines whether they will move in the direction of faith or unbelief. Jesus made this clear:

"Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." (John 3:20-21 NIV)

Hatred of truth causes unbelievers to use their rational powers to reject it. Hatred of truth occurs in their hearts. Their rationalizations for rejecting it are the consequence -- not the cause -- of their hatred.

This, too, is why the writer of Hebrews declares:

Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6 NIV)

The existence of God -- like the existence of love and beauty -- can be logically described. But it cannot be logically proven to someone who doesn't want to believe. Belief in these things requires openness of the heart. While logic can be used to provide evidence for the truth, it can also be used to rationalize evil. Ultimate choices are not only decisions of the mind but also matters of the heart, where logic is only a tool for fashioning a life of truth and goodness, or illusion and evil.

1. In the Bible, the term heart refers to the "whole man, with all his attributes, physical, intellectual, and psychological." (New Bible Dictionary) The meaning of mind, in contrast, is usually limited more specifically to mental abilities.

So the term heart refers to the governing center of man, that part of him that is often referred to with such terms as character, personality, will and mind. Heart is therefore a broader and more inclusive term than mind. In the New Testament, heart is fundamentally synonymous with person.

- Dan Vander Lugt